


Carrot Find an Appropriate Dildo so I Improvise

by fanfiction_swinger



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ...sort of?, College AU, Double Penetration, Established Relationship, Food Porn, I'm Sorry, M/M, OT4 BokuAkaKurooTsukki yas, Other, and having carrot(s) in him, and the idea struck me so suddenly i had to write it down, anyways tags, because i think timeskip is too much of a gamble to write, but i am sorry, but i'm writing this anyway bcs KUROO, but still, does it count as one?, i'm not, it's kuroo masturbating, it's like... at the end and nothing explicit about it at all?, like. two carrots in a hole kinda thing, no food is hurt in the making of this fic, no food should be wasted tho, okay it's not sudden, pls don't play with your food, the ot4 is very little tho fyi, who knows - Freeform, yep i've spoilt it, yes. you're seeing the relationship tag right :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:15:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfiction_swinger/pseuds/fanfiction_swinger
Summary: Kuroo wants to cook for his boyfriend to surprise them after exam week but who in the right mind thinks it's a good idea to sell long, thick carrots. It's not his fault that he's... distracted.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Carrot
Kudos: 11





	Carrot Find an Appropriate Dildo so I Improvise

**Author's Note:**

> :)))) i'm sorry. I'M NOT. that's why i'm sorry. I-
> 
> Honestly I had no thoughts or plan to write this but then I saw this one tumblr post of someone buying a five pound of carrots but getting four carrots only and- the carrots are. big. okay. what can i say. my mind went.
> 
> FIC IDEAS.
> 
> in the middle of work. so. i need to get this out of my system. i mean to keep this short. fuck.

Kuroo looks at the carrots laying oh-so-innocently on the chopping board, hands folded on his chest. He’s been staring at four of them for the past few minutes now. There’s… nothing wrong with the carrots per se. It’s not like they have gone bad or anything. But… this particular four carrots are… big.

And, in his defence, he’s… sexually frustrated, okay. Exam week has been a bitch and each of them, being on different majors, ended up running around here and there and finding study groups within friends of the same major and lately, their schedule has clashed too that sometimes their exchange was only a simple passing kiss, if not seeing each other at all.

Kuroo has finished the last of his exams yesterday and today should be the end of exam week so he decided to cook his boyfriends some comfort meal but… really, it feels as if the carrots are mocking him. Kuroo sighs and looks away. He always denies it whenever his boyfriends said he’s the greediest among them in terms of libido, but he wonders now if that’s true.

He shakes his head and decides to continue but when he realizes, his hands are gripping a carrot, unconsciously rubbing and sizing it up and Kuroo jumps in surprise, almost dropping the vegetable.

He crouches down, gripping the countertop as the other clutches, with the carrot and all, to his chest.

_Is he really_ that _sexually frustrated?_

He stares at the carrot in his hand. It’s… big. Perhaps not as big as his boyfriends’ but enough compared to his fingers. He gulps.

Grabbing the base of the carrot, he slowly puts it in his mouth, the tip thin but getting bigger gradually up to the base. He feels heat pools in his stomach and judgment clouded with lust. He sucks the vegetable in earnest now, the cold warming soon within his mouth, coated by his saliva. His breathing is ragged as he tests his limits on how far he can put the carrot in his mouth. He has never been the best at controlling his gag reflex between his boyfriends but he can take at least ¾ of the carrot, so that’s something he guesses.

Kuroo’s dick is straining on his sweatpants now and there’s not enough friction but he decides to ignore it for now. He releases the carrot and looks at the vegetable, coated with spit. His eyes hazy and his breathing come out in pants as he pulled down his pants. He reaches down and rubs slowly at his entrance, the muscles already twitching at the thought of being penetrated.

He brings the slick tip of the carrot to his entrance and pushes in. Not used to being entered for some time, it’s met with resistance. Kuroo groans in frustration. He needs it in him, _fast_. He stumbles on the cabinet and grabs the vegetable oil from its place and pours a generous amount at his hand, coating the carrot with it. The excess oil he rubs and spreads on his entrance.

Putting the carrot down on the floor by the base, as if it was a dildo, he sinks in, diving into the carrot half its length. He exhales shakily and sinks further down, the thickening of the carrot stretching him and the burn feels _good_. Eventually he feels his hand grounding the base of the carrot and he sighs. Laying on his back, he rises his lower half in tip toes as he thrust the carrot into himself. He tries to angle it to hit that one spot but never actually quite getting it.

He closes his eyes and arches his back in frustration, wanting to go deeper but is actually afraid that it would get stuck-

Kuroo opens his eyes and spots one of the other three carrots on the countertop, the bright orange brings an idea to his mind. His mind is swimming in lust and all he cares about is to grab the carrot. He hurriedly pours the oil to the second carrot and brings it to his entrance. With his fingers stretching the muscles, it doesn’t take long for him to have the tip of the second entering.

Pushing it roughly, he moans at the burning feeling of being stretched.

_So good._

He looks up hazily at the lights above and sighs when the carrot is deep in him and touches the bundle of nerves in him. He gets on his knees and grabs the two carrots by the base and begins to move his hips earnestly. Making sure that each thrust sends him jolts of pleasure throughout his body. He wonders if he can comes untouched. Feeling quite confident in the haze of lust, he gives up thrusting altogether and grinds hard and relentlessly when the carrot is angled right into his prostate.

The pressure builds up the heat in him, teasing and pulling him by the string before it snaps and he’s coming, white streaks splattering on his clothes and the cabinets around.

Breathing heavily, he lays there motionless for awhile. His legs has fully gave out and the only thing preventing the carrot from slipping into his entrance is his shaky grip on its base, squished between his ass and the floor.

“Bokuto-san? What are you doing?” Akaashi’s voice sounded from the living room entrance and oh fuck- when did they come in, was he so far gone that he didn’t hear the sound of keys clicking and the door being opened? And what did Akaashi said- Bokuto?

He turns swiftly and finds Bokuto grinning there sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

“Bo, wh-“, Kuroo feels his face heating up and he wants to bury himself in embarrassment. “ _How long?_ ” he asks instead.

“Kuroo-san? Are you there, too?” Akaashi peeks his head in and freezes, eyes widening at the position Kuroo is still in.

Kuroo hurriedly pulls out the carrot and covers his face with his hands. “Please don’t look.”

“I’m sorry, Kuroo but that was _really hot_.” Bokuto whines and through the gaps of his fingers, he can see Bokuto’s erection straining his pants.

“What was?” Tsukishima’s voice cut through and a third pair of eyes is looking at him.

God this is so embarrassing. He wants to just run away but his legs feel weak and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stand without embarrassing himself further.

“Lonely, I see?” Tsukishima’s smug voice chimes in and Kuroo can _see_ the smirk in his face even when he’s not looking at the boy.

“ _Shut up_.”

Kuroo suddenly feels himself being lifted and hoisted on a shoulder. “Take responsibility, Kuroo. I’m hard now!” Bokuto whines and starts heading to their bedroom.

“But dinner-“

“We’ll order”, Akaashi interjects. “And besides, no offense, but I don’t really want to eat them carrots knowing where they go to before.”

“But, Akaashi-“

“No buts”, a scary smile planted on Akaashi’s face and Kuroo shudders at it because Akaashi rarely shows expression and that particular smile only shows up when Akaashi feels like taking instead of giving. “Rather please use your mouth for something much more useful, Kuroo-san.” He says before Bokuto rounds the corner and Akaashi and Tsukki is out of sight.

“I’ll order. You go on ahead, I’ll be coming soon.” Tsukki’s voice sounded. “Too bad I missed the show.” He can hear the smugness in his voice.

Before long, he’s being thrown and he’s bouncing slightly on the mattress as it greets him. He props his upper on his body and looks up at Bokuto, already pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. The look in Bokuto’s face is predatory and Kuroo shivers in anticipation at it.

He smiles nervously when their eyes met and Bokuto _pounces_ at him. He hears Akaashi and Tsukki coming in rather than seeing them, and the door clicks shut.

**Author's Note:**

> :) Ye.
> 
> Drop some kudos and comments if you want, pls go crazy, each comment brings joy to my heart YwY
> 
> Pls don't play with your food. They are meant to be cooked and eaten. <3 And eat your vegetables.


End file.
